GOING STEADY WHEN SEPARATED
Frequently the question comes up as to whether it is wise for a couple to try to go steady when they will have to be separated. She may have to go off to college; they may be heading to different campuses; he leaves for military service or a job in another community. What should they do then? Try to continue going steady during the period of separation? Or should they break off and make themselves available for a normal social life, since they’re so far apart that dating isn’t possible?
The answer seems to depend upon how much their relationship means to them. If they’re devoted to each other, and feel that their relationship is definitely headed toward engagement and marriage, then very possibly they will attempt to maintain close contact through correspondence and visits and not date others during the period of their separation.
But if they have been going steady as a matter of mutual convenience, then their separation offers a pleasant way of moving on to other relationships. If neither of them is ready for permanent commitments as yet, they may agree that theirs has been a meaningful companionship, but now that they must part, they will date others and see what happens. If, when they’re both ready to settle down, they still prefer each other to anyone else they have known in the interim, then they might well re-establish their relationship. In the meantime their freedom to date others has meant that they have kept alive socially and so are presumably more mature and ready for ultimate marriage than if they had been living in lonely isolation throughout the period of separation.
Deciding together whether it will be wise to date others during the separation is a constructive way of approaching the problem. If a couple mutually agree that dating others is wise, their problem is solved. If they both feel that they want to be faithful to each other, they then must figure out how to continue contact with each other, and with other persons generally, while they’re so far apart. If the two disagree on policy in the matter of trying to go steady during the separation, time and continued efforts to find an acceptable solution to their dilemma will tell.
SUMMING UP
Going steady offers two young people a chance to get to know one another as personalities. As they date each other in numerous situations, they see each other as they really are. A girl who has gone steady with a boy over a period of time becomes able to anticipate his interests, to recognize his moods, and to meet his needs. As he gets increasingly well acquainted with her he becomes familiar with her reactions, wishes, standards, and values. In many ways going steady is good preparation for marriage in that it provides a couple with opportunities for becoming closely sensitive to each other as two whole persons. Through experience they have learned how to meet each other’s need for companionship. As one fellow puts it:
“Going steady has done a great deal of good for both of us. We have learned to make sacrifices for each other and are making plans for the future. We have different opinions on things and we always talk them out.”
When a couple start going steady before they’re ready to settle down or assume responsibility for keeping their relationship on an even keel, they may be headed for painful situations and emotional distress. Real problems can result from rushing into exclusive dating without being sure of one’s own readiness for the step. This is why steady dating among young teen-agers is so often questioned by the same people who approve of it for older, more mature young people.
Those who oppose going steady have a point. Those who feel that going steady has advantages are right too. Whether going steady will be wise or not for a particular couple at a particular point in their relationship, only they can tell. As they understand more about what is involved, they will be better able to make such a choice wisely and well.
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